This is what she said: “He claims to have a high paying job, yet he doesn’t even own a tablet.”
I was shocked at her words. Did it follow that everyone who has a job that pays well must have an IPad, an IPhone or own a Mac. Does it mean, that if I choose not to have one, and I have chosen so, that we can’t afford it? More importantly, what was her statement telling me about her values: The measure of a person is known by what they own? If you are wealthy, you must flaunt it? If you don’t have these gadgets you must be a no-good?
The first time I got a hint of such questionable values, is when I should have opted out of this friendship. I remember reading this from Maya Angelou: “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” It struck me then. And I memorized it. But did I learn the lesson? No.
She went on to show me more more ‘interesting’ aspects of her self, until I had no choice but to withdraw.
People show us who they are in something they say unconsciously or in a pattern of behaviour. For example, if someone is consistently late for their appointments with you, be sure that they don’t value you or your time.
Hopefully, the next time someone shows me who they are, I hope I’ll believe them.