When Someone Shows You Who They Are


This is what she said: “He claims to have a high paying job, yet he doesn’t even own a tablet.”

I was shocked at her words. Did it follow that everyone who has a job that pays well must have an IPad, an IPhone or own a Mac. Does it mean, that if I choose not to have one, and I have chosen so, that we can’t afford it? More importantly, what was her statement telling me about her values: The measure of a person is known by what they own? If you are wealthy, you must flaunt it? If you don’t have these gadgets you must be a no-good?

The first time I got a hint of such questionable values, is when I should have opted out of this friendship. I remember reading this from Maya Angelou: β€œThe first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” It struck me then. And I memorized it. But did I learn the lesson? No.

She went on to show me more more ‘interesting’ aspects of her self, until I had no choice but to withdraw.

People show us who Β they are in something they say unconsciously or in a pattern of behaviour. For example, if someone is consistently late for their appointments with you, be sure that they don’t value you or your time.

Hopefully, the next time someone shows me who they are, I hope I’ll believe them.

There’s another side to this, that I’ll share tomorrow.

Photo Credit: JD Hancock via Compfight cc

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44 Replies to “When Someone Shows You Who They Are”

  1. The moment material things take precedence over people, it is downhill after that. I know some people who sneer when we say we don’t own a car.
    What really matters is being comfortable in our own skin. If it doesn’t make you happy or fulfill you in some way, don’t do it πŸ™‚
    Looking forward to tomorrow’s post!

    1. I agree, Vidya. Isn’t it all about choices, anyway. I know I’d rather spend my money on a some good books than a new outfit – but that’s not to say anyone who prefers a new outfit is making poor choices! πŸ™‚

  2. strangely enough I sort of follow this rule of always remembering that what people say or do unconsciously is exactly how they are from inside…. I know this always works.

    As for materialism its fast becoming an epidemic around us. And quite sadly so…

    1. I know it to be true and then start to think I’m being uncharitable, Richa. Sometimes I like to learn things the hard way I guess!
      Yes, flaunting your wealth is in fashion, it seems!

    1. Haha…you sound like me about your mobile phone, I leave it all over the house and miss half of the few calls I get! I love what you said about people needing to be heard 24/7 – hadn’t quite thought of it that way! πŸ™‚

  3. Oh if only we could put all the wisdom gathered from such quotes into practice rather than merely remember them. This has happened to me too and I have still not learnt my lesson. Somehow, I don’t take negatives of others to my heart, but in the end, the loss is mine.

    Looking forward to the other side of this story Corinne πŸ™‚

  4. To each his own! You can spend your coin on what you think is valuable, but don’t judge me for what I think is value for my money. I once had a girl tell me I was stupid because I had bought a Kindle. Apparently if I had any sense, I would have bought a tab or an iPad.

      1. Where ya Apples and Oranges? You said nothing about the humble Nokia πŸ˜› Besides you know how technologically challenged I am!! I am gonna take lessons from my 11 year old πŸ™‚

  5. Great post, Corinne and a great reminder. The only one benefiting from this mindest is Apple who are rich enough already.

    How shallow that person is to judge someone on what they own without even trying to know them as a person. Sadly so much of this goes on these days in this ever more materialistic world we live in.

    It makes me sad to see that things are valued more than people. It is good to know that some rise above all the superficiality such as yourself and that gives me hope.

    I don’t own a Mac or an Iphone and I’m doing quite well, thanks. Geesh!

  6. Sadly I never learn… I always think “naa. They didnt mean it that way.” By the time I realise the nature of the true face which I had known all along, it’s always too late and someone has gotten hurt by their actions.

      1. I think it reflects what we see… we think from a naive point of view so expect others to be thinking from a similar naive point of view.

        I know in my case, Im trying hard to remain nice… to hold on when it seems illogical to be so in a bad world. Just a thought that I shouldnt give in and become the kind of people I detest.

        http://www.godyears.net/2012/10/within-that-inch-we-are-free.html This is what I feel too… no matter how hard it is, we need to hang on to our morals and truth.

  7. I get ya! I often find people such, and guess that makes me a recluse too πŸ˜›
    Its always better to avoid such people.

  8. I know what you mean. We stopped talking to quite a few of our college classmates because they started measuring our worth with their material possessions.
    Bragging about new cars and Playstations and asking us why we haven’t bought a car yet or why we don’t have leather sofas in our home.. it got to be too much and I don’t like explaining myself to people I don’t care about!!
    So, we don’t talk anymore.. and its better this way.

  9. “It struck me then. And I memorized it. But did I learn the lesson? No.”
    Happens with me too. It is always better to take that first hint and withdraw.
    What a wonderful post this is!

  10. My Dad used to say “It takes all kinds of people to make this world” and I’m always surprised by truly different some people really are! One of my friends, who is a very rich kid, says things like “she wears clothes that even my maids wouldn’t dare to touch” and stuff like that. Status show or plain dislike of the other girl’s fashion sense, I don’t know. But every time it makes me very uneasy πŸ™

  11. I would surely like to know Corinne how you tackled this… I am one dud head.. no matter how many times someone rips themselves up in front of me.. I still go on thinking there is still something good in them… it ends up with me having a lot of trouble sometimes O_O

  12. Nice post, reading your post after a long time ! how often I come across persons who like to show off … at times we find them even in family circles, and how they boast about what they have, and what positions they hold… and how much they earn….. I feel very uncomfortable to be in their company, specially when they compare, most of the time, I avoid and prefer to be where I want to be . Thanks for sharing !!

  13. Could this be ‘black’ and ‘white’? or judging people outright? There are hints of truth to it but where is the element of surprise ~ and the ability to be transformed and changed?

  14. Sometimes we get taken in and misjudge people. I have had a brush with the same as well. Sometimes it takes years to know that the friend was not really compatible. And how long can one drag a dead relationship? Move on and grieve a while.

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