Falling To Pieces

Broken 2012

As she wrote her letter, she thought back to the days after she had broken off from him.

One particular day came to mind. Following a night of disturbed sleep interspersed with bouts of tears, she had woken up late. Hurriedly she had got ready and rushed off to work, knowing that she had a busy day before her – three proposals to present. She wondered how she was going to confidently make the presentations to the clients. She had got used to getting a pep talk from him before she made her proposals.  No pep talks today. No talks ever…….

Strangely, all three clients called to re-schedule their appointments. She breathed a sigh of relief and got down to the every day stuff of running her business. But her mind kept wandering and she found herself going back to read old emails she had exchanged with him and chat records. She wondered now how she had missed the signs. All through their relationship, she had been the one trying so hard. On his side, there seemed to be constant disinterest. She was the one who initiated most interactions. All plans to meet had been initiated by her. And when she told her of his plans to expand his business, she was the one who had offered money, despite his protests.

She began to see a pattern in her behaviour and it wasn’t pretty.  To put it plainly, she was a woman in her thirties trying too hard to have a relationship with a man who was so disinterested in her. When did she become so needy? How did she become so desperate to make things work between them?

Later that night and back home, she got into an argument with her mother over something silly. She couldn’t remember now what it was. But she had rushed into her room and slammed the door behind her. Like watching someone in a movie, she saw herself falling to pieces. She paced the room like a mad woman. How had her life come to this? What about her future? Would she never find love? Was she not enough? Falling into the bed, she cried into her pillow to muffle her sobs. It seemed that her crying went on endlessly, until she had no more tears. Just an empty feeling in her heart. How would she go on?

But life had gone on and she had survived. Looking back today, she repeated this to herself:

You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. ~ Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh

I’m blogging through the 31 Days of October (grab this button from the sidebar if you are too). It seems like my posts are turning into a story. If you missed my post yesterday, you can read it here.
31days

I’m also linking into the Ultimate Blog Challenge and October’s NaBloPoMo

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About CorinneRodrigues

A Mumbai-based blogger, writer, motivator - journeying happily through midlife. I blog here and on Write Tribe and From 7Eight. Connect with me on Facebook, Twitter and Google+

Comments

  1. 🙂 I am waiting for the hope and glory part where she transcends her feeling of inadequacy and rises above it all. I admire this woman who’s writing this post. Hugs!

  2. Kalpana Solsi says:

    At times I find it difficult to conclude if a lady is strong or weak. She endures so much pain and frustrations but has hope in her heart to hold on to a failing relationships.

  3. Sometime when things fall apart, you get a better look at each fragment of the fabric you thought was flawless. It is then that you realise that all along, you were only seeing what you wanted to, not what it actually was.

  4. Yet again awesome…
    and moments of weakness in this lady is a bit of all of us.

  5. very interesting…. At the onset I couldn’t get it, but slowly as I read I realised this was connected to last post. Corinne the words simply flew for me. It was very superfluous in the sense of writing… I thoroughly enjoyed it!!

  6. Another story in the making. 🙂 I guess we all can see a bit of ourselves in this lady character. We give too much into a relationship and it hurts. 🙁

  7. Aha! So, we have a story series this month here!! Awesome.
    Why is it that we fail to see the symptoms initially, guess, if we looked at things closely, we wouldn’t be going through all the heartache and pain!

  8. n how does her raise like a phoenix happen……

  9. I love this Winnie the Pooh quote. How often we all have fallen into this pattern. Often it is when we have given up all hope and made definite steps to get on with our own lives alone does that perfect someone arrive to sweep us off our feet for the rest of our lives. ♥ I would love it if my writing turned into stories and it came that easy for me. You are lucky!

  10. This rings a bell with me completely….I know this woman you’re writing about and believe me she’s tired of being brave 🙂 Nevertheless, life moves on!

  11. When things fall apart, sometimes, its a good thing.
    Both times when things fell apart for me – it gave me better opportunities, a better life and ultimately made me happy.
    I hope this lady finds her peace of mind and her strength …

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